Some wonder why I haven't blogged or why I haven't read blogs recently. It's just too hard. I might be a wimp, but when you live far away from the ones you love the hurt is easier to deal with by not reminding yourself that you are far away. (a coping skill I learned on my mission, because you see on your mission you have very limited contact with loved ones back home)
It's easier to not look at pictures or read stories especially when I'm having a hard day. It's like my very psyche is trying to block out any memories at all of you so it doesn't have to cope with the truth.
I am saying I don't think of you not because I don't love you but because I can't. In fact it is because I love you that I can't.
And yes, I know it's backwards and very anti-family bonding... but it makes the really crappy days go by faster to not know all the fun, hugs, and laughs I'm missing out on.
So today, I thought, wow, I actually have a second to read some blogs and now I'm sobbing like a baby because of distance; I'm sobbing because everyone seems so happy and all the kids are so cute; I'm sobbing because I miss you and it's your fault. :)
Therefore, because I know I'm being ridiculous I must apologize for lame, weak efforts to update you about my life or to stay connected with you. Maybe if I were more consistent about staying connected the distance wouldn't seem so great but I fear that it would seem greater and it is already almost too much to bear most days.
[ I also need to add that I do not blog because in many ways my life is CONSUMED by work. Work = contract. Work = minors. Minors = privacy policy. Therefore about 80% of my day I am not legally able to tell you about. Which sucks. But it is there for a good purpose, because I see a lot of crazy stuff happening and sometimes only have very negative things to think about the whole situation, so it's better kept quiet so I can maintain my professional credibility. So I am finding it difficult to share my life when there is so much of it I can't share. ]
In an effort to now find a little joy and share it (as that it what we should always do with joy), here some recent pictures of us and the huge city we, even if awkwardly, call home.
I love you and I miss you.
9 comments:
i love you. i am sorry it is so hard. distance doesn't make the heart fonder, it makes the heart broken. I am aching for you to spend time with family. They love you, we love you....miss you too.
hugs, and prayers and faith that some of the ache will subside, and you will have peace.
I am very proud of you, my cousin. I know what you are doing matters, and I am thankful, honored, to know you. You have a love and light that is doing amazing things for those kids.
YOU matter.
thanks, stacie. I needed that. love you too!
My dear, my love...
I know your heartaches and you are so amazingly tough, even if you think you are not. I am thrilled to see your faces and the place you call home.
Thanks for blogging, even if it hurts so deeply.
See you so soon!
Mommy
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
i love you and i love your update... can't wait until you get here and we can stay up all night and make great memories and cry when we part.
Loved the slide show....Nice to see my boys together! I am so grateful that you two took the time to go see Taylor at the Cowboys Stadium even tho we knew he probably wouldn't get to play. It really meant alot to him and to me. We love and miss you both. I know it is hard being away from your family and close friends, but I know that it will be so good for your relationship...to learn to lean on each other for support. When we moved to Denver, away from family, Jonathan's dad and I were very close. We relied on each other and our ward for support. We became very spiritual and close to the gospel...which you two are anyway, but I'm just letting you know it's a good thing.
Much Love & Hugs from Utah...Mom/Julia
Ha ha! Miss you guys, love the pictures :)
I am sobbing right along with you. I wish that I had something profound to say to make you feel better. I enjoyed the slide show, fun to see Houston and looks like you guys are having fun discovering all it has to offer.
Miss you! Glad for the post! I am sorry life is hard! I know the feeling! Loved the pictures! It is good seeing you guys!
I came to say I am thinking of you and love you dearly. Hoping that you have some bright moments in your days. Love you, Love you!
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