Some wonder why I haven't blogged or why I haven't read blogs recently. It's just too hard. I might be a wimp, but when you live far away from the ones you love the hurt is easier to deal with by not reminding yourself that you are far away. (a coping skill I learned on my mission, because you see on your mission you have very limited contact with loved ones back home)
It's easier to not look at pictures or read stories especially when I'm having a hard day. It's like my very psyche is trying to block out any memories at all of you so it doesn't have to cope with the truth.
I am saying I don't think of you not because I don't love you but because I can't. In fact it is because I love you that I can't.
And yes, I know it's backwards and very anti-family bonding... but it makes the really crappy days go by faster to not know all the fun, hugs, and laughs I'm missing out on.
So today, I thought, wow, I actually have a second to read some blogs and now I'm sobbing like a baby because of distance; I'm sobbing because everyone seems so happy and all the kids are so cute; I'm sobbing because I miss you and it's your fault. :)
Therefore, because I know I'm being ridiculous I must apologize for lame, weak efforts to update you about my life or to stay connected with you. Maybe if I were more consistent about staying connected the distance wouldn't seem so great but I fear that it would seem greater and it is already almost too much to bear most days.
[ I also need to add that I do not blog because in many ways my life is CONSUMED by work. Work = contract. Work = minors. Minors = privacy policy. Therefore about 80% of my day I am not legally able to tell you about. Which sucks. But it is there for a good purpose, because I see a lot of crazy stuff happening and sometimes only have very negative things to think about the whole situation, so it's better kept quiet so I can maintain my professional credibility. So I am finding it difficult to share my life when there is so much of it I can't share. ]
In an effort to now find a little joy and share it (as that it what we should always do with joy), here some recent pictures of us and the huge city we, even if awkwardly, call home.
I love you and I miss you.
